Heather Christle

Gordon Halpern

seen here tagging a lynx,
is not a man you’d marry.

Is the world’s chief miracle.
Is filled completely with sand.

Gordon Halpern, an expert
outdoorsman and avid consumer

of Soviet erotica, wishes
to thank the town for all

the kind letters he’s received,
and directs our young readers

to keep their small ears at the door.
Mr. Halpern, the Lion’s Club

Face of the Month, cannot stop
winking at subdivisions.

Is lost in a window factory
of his own making.

When our Gordon
was but two meager feet tall

an incident with the lawn mower
left him permanently amused,

a stalwart proponent of handjobs.
While most white water rafters

will never attain the graceful swoop
of Gordon Halpern’s charming maneuvers,

they can at least extract a lesson
from his epic medallions

and the best before scent
of his hair. Deep in the interior

of Halpern’s shining brainwaves
we have unconfirmed piles of real snow.